iLoveBlog - 媽媽

花蓮海洋公園

這兩天在整理mp3,把一些歌翻出來聽
剛好播到周杰倫的聽媽媽的話:

媽媽的辛苦不讓你看見 溫暖的食譜在她心裡面
有空就去多握握她的手 把手牽著一起夢遊

小時候我都有聽妳的話 不讓妳擔心
現在長大了 要開始聽我自己的話了

iLoveBlog - 方向

iLoveBlog - 信

信義育幼院

一張小小的卡片是他對全世界的不寂寞宣言

iLoveBlog - missing

The day I gave you away.
I'm sorry I let that happen, but I'm glad that we found a family that love you more than we did.

iLoveBlog - 瘋狂

台北出發 終站台北
連續11天在太陽底下的酷曬

iLoveBlog - 城市的聲音

iLoveBlog - 戀人

濱海公路

iLoveBlog - 期許

1. Be spontaneous, emotional, and curious
2. Talk more, share more
3. Learn how to make edible food to survive on exchange

抓狂的小事

近年來有精神疾病的人好像越來越多了，一部分是因為社會壓力，也有可能是以往大家都不自覺，有病也不知道。可是到底怎樣才算是正常人？文明在短時間內發展到這種程度本來就是不自然的，除非是住在鄉下過著桃花源般與世隔絕的生活，不然大家或多或少都有精神病吧，畢竟環境本身就是不正常的。

鑑於許多出色的科學家、作家、音樂家、藝術家、哲學家都有"精神疾病"，我的強迫症說不定是好的，會讓我抓狂的小事：

• 走路鞋子磨地
• 沒有人的房間開燈
• 東西沒吃完
• 保護貼裡面有泡泡
• 電腦裡的專輯不完整
• 火星文
• msn通話紀錄不見
• 電腦桌面被別人用自動排列
• 沒打或太晚打燈的左轉車
• 洗別人的碗

Well, the list goes on...

StumbleUpon

Just like any other day, 該讀書的我又在網上閒逛. 下載了firefox的StumbleUpon extension, 它會根據你的興趣幫你找你可能會喜歡的網頁.

Random stuff I got from it:

Scrambled Text

Why Cant I Own a Canadian?

How to detect lies - body language, reactions, speech pattern

CookingByNumbers.comEdit

YOUNG GALLERYEdit

Lastly, a lovely commercial from Indigo

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone, because it's just too addictive.

Deans Debate

今天替自己找了個翹課的理由，中午去Norm Theatre聽Deans Debate，參加的是Faculty of Arts, Sauder Business, and Pharmacy。
聽各派掌門互相調侃還有娛樂價值的，結尾時Dean of Arts說了一句對Pharmacy的回應：
"they make drugs that saves lives; we make lives worth living."

untitled

不知道為什麼，今天覺得很屎。
就像毫無預警的拉肚子，事後又想不起到底是吃了什麼。

關於taken

認識V已經六七年了，到現在還一直都在聯絡還算滿難得的，雖然朋友圈、學校上課、社團都沒有交集，但我們三不五時還是會互約吃飯聊天，可能是因為特別談得來吧，所以聊天也通常沒有尺度的限制，不用擔心political correctness。

除了政治經濟社會大事之外，當然還會聊到女生。

有Long-D女朋友的V很愛這個話題。他是我認識唯一刻意選擇LD的人，因為他說他很忙，要上課也要為以後的工作做準備，LD的話只需要講電話就可以了，不用花很多時間陪女朋友。我總覺得他好像是在買call option，以低成本卡位，讀finance的果然有一套。

上禮拜聊到關於有男朋友的女生，一向賤賤的V竟然正直的令我驚訝:
me: 如果她是LD呢?你會追嗎?
V: 不會，道德上的標準是不可以破壞的，我也不會喜歡一被追就換男朋友的女生。
me: 如果她很正呢?
V: 嗯...不會，漂亮的女生又不是只有一個。
me: 如果她男朋友是asshole呢?
V: 如果她要跟他在一起，那是她的選擇，我不會因為這樣追她。
me: 那如果她很正，男朋友又是asshole的話呢?
V: 嗯... (想很久)... 不會.. 因為不可以搶別人的女朋友。最多只是勸她離開他吧。

完全不是我預料中的答案。我認識的V應該是立志要征服亞洲(台灣香港大陸日本韓國)，為路上每個女生打分數的那個，想不到他竟然有這麼高的道德標準。話說回來大部分的男生應該都有這方面的共識吧。

工作十年?

常常聽到有人說要瘋狂工作個十年，賺夠錢之後就可以退休了。

雖然創造經濟奇蹟是台灣人的國民運動，但我覺得興趣跟朋友不是仙人掌，不能十年都不澆水(仙人掌應該也不行吧)。

我也想過以後要拼命做個幾年，之後再做自己想做的事，但如果十年後興趣死了，朋友變的像陌生人一樣，要跟誰have fun?

比起馬爾地夫玻璃地板的希爾頓飯店，我還比較喜歡到老朋友的小公寓喝老人茶。

(Note to self: remember this)

悄悄的我來了，正如我悄悄的走

我又回來update了。

這幾個禮拜又想回來寫了，不過我這次會盡量用中文，因為之前用英文寫，寫到最後就自然而然變成essay，連我自己都看不下去。很奇怪，心情會跟著語言改變，用英文會讓我覺得在作功課，明明就是在記錄一些沒營養的事情，還是會不自覺的檢查文法。中文就不一樣了，用起來還滿輕鬆的，可能是平常都是用中文哈啦打屁，也不用擔心句子結構或標點符號(反正都用逗號就好了)。

之前很久沒update還會覺得有點不好意思，覺得有點辜負廣大讀者(?)的期望(??)
可是漸漸的不得不承認那只是個美好的幻想，像這樣有一篇沒一篇、很少在搞笑、作者又不是視訊美眉的blog，會有讀者才奇怪吧(會看到這篇文章的應該是很宅或是很閒的人，才會翻沒有在update的blog，不要懷疑，就是你)。

今天在art gallery跟N小姐很無奈的改印錯的flyer時，講到blogging，實際上講什麼我忘了，不過我要的應該只是一個開始寫的理由。可能是理智心理作祟，做什麼事都要有個理由，以後被問到為什麼做的時候好有個交代，就像去exchange是為了學習，不是為了玩；去clubbing是為了放鬆，不是看妹；買名牌是因為質感，不是要現；寫blog是因為別人要我寫，不是想要出名。我想出名嗎？好像有點，因為我是牡羊座吧

之前的東西都很嚴肅，不是說嚴肅不好，只是寫起來比較累，想寫的機會比較少，可是我發現quality comes with quantity，廢話講多了也可能會出現一些名言，亂拍也常賽到不錯的作品，希望這次我會比以前更有毅力！

It feels good to feel good

I think all we want is to feel good about ourselves and in front of others; everything else is just the manifestation of these two desires.

As we try to be like non-conformists, we start turning our attention to how to feel good about ourselves. Traditional social preference is weakened. Money, status, and career achievement comes later, as long as they do not stop us from fulfilling basic physical needs. Traditional values are not nearly as important as being able to confidently say that "I like who I am." The lifestyle of a bum can be praised if he can show that he likes who he is. How you feel is the bottom line. One wouldn't be considered successful if he doesn't feel good about who he is and what he has achieved in his life. Even for someone who devotes his life in making the world a better place, he wouldn't be truely successful if he doesn't enjoy his life.

While how others feel about you have a significant impact on how you feel about yourself, we are encouraged to break away from this type of social constraint. The tagline is that you shouldn't let others decide how you feel. So we start to shift the focus from how others think to how we actually feel. Traditional terms of success deteriorates. Instead, we are in charge of defining success in our very own terms.

But does this really work? Maybe it's simply unnatural to resist our desire to seek approval from others. At the end, maybe we are just playing the same old game of meeting those social values. When the society as a whole thinks the definition of success should be uniquely defined, our motivation for setting those targets and meeting these goals remains unchanged.

traditionally: social approval => feel good
now: feel good => social approval => feel good

So to feel good, first you must feel good. Kinda like one of those self reinforcing cycles. But how does this start? Maybe we simply need to look harder in our lives to discover it. Surely there are things in our lives to feel good about. Well, if that doesn't help, go shopping.

Let there be photos

No particular meaning to this photo. Simply want to put something colourful up here for a change. Kinda miss having a camera with me. Thinking about getting a DSLR or a good point and shoot. Framing with LCD screen and movie mode do come in handy sometimes.

Do we really care?

(I think this is would be a depressing article to some people, although I don't think so myself.)

So do we really care?

Care about what? the environment? extreme poverty in third world countries? human rights violation? child soldiers? For sure you care about these issues, I mean, who doesn't?

I hate to say this out loud, but I think we are not being as honest and virtuous as we believe.
The fact is that we honestly do not care about a lot of things we say we do.

This is not an attempt to raise awareness or encourage people to care more, nor is it a cynical expression of frustration. Instead I am trying to make a point as truthfully as I can. I think it is quite logical that we do not care about many of these issues as human beings, despite our moral believes.

Our indifference comes with good reasons, I should add. This is not to say that we are all cold-hearted egocentric bastards, but we are human beings who act according to a set of incentives and disincentives derived from our physical and emotional needs. Perhaps the real question is: why do we care about issues that do not concern us?

Some say that the source of apathy is industrialization, but I think it merely changes the scope of our relationships. As the population move into the cities, the close personal bonds between community members are weakened. People care less about their neighbors if know them at all. In an industrialized society, most people receive salary and depend on government assistance if unemployed. Nowadays, our social circle shrinks to only close family members, friends, and colleagues. In the past, we have personal connections with community members partly due to economic reality. In agriculture based societies, strong relationship is essential because of the need for collaboration and mutual assistance during difficult times. That being said, I don't think people from the past would care about civil wars in other countries more than we do now.


Our moral value tells us that we should care about these issues, but at the same time we do not want to face the costs. Compassion for the less fortunate is deeply entrenched in our belief system to the extent that deviation would provoke a sense of guilt. It is simply morally unacceptable to say that we don't care about the misfortune of others in our liberal society. While it feels good to think that we are responsible global citizens who are aware of and care about these problems, the costs of acting upon are higher than most of us are willing to accept.

How many of us actually spend time on causes we believe in? Have you ever volunteered for Amnesty International? Oxfam? Unicef? Ever written a letter to your politician? Let's put aside the effectiveness of donations, but have you ever made donation of any form to support issues you are concerned with? I've never done many of the things I just mentioned, and I am learning to live with it or do something about it.

It's hard to admit our indifference in many issues because it's an internal struggle between who we are and who we think we are. Perhaps this is why we usually pretend that we do not see fund raising volunteers on sidewalks. All the facts force us to look at our values against the costs. As much as we are unwilling to accept, the well being or lifes of others sometimes worth less than $10 or $20 a month to us. So the best way to avoid this internal confrontation is to look away.

What really bugs me is how hypocritical we are. I hate those who talks like a saint but acts as a sinner. This disparity is most evidently presented on environmental issues. If you don't recycle, save energy, or cut down driving, don't say that you care about the environment. If you are unwilling to donate money to any organization, think twice before you say you are a responsible global citizen, because it is the least you can do. I mean, keep it real man. If you say that you care, do something. Conversely, if you do nothing, be honest enough to admit that you don't care.

jun. 22, 07

2 weeks in Taiwan already. I don't know if 80 hrs/wk is considered normal, but it certainly gives me perfectly good excuse for not updating.

just saw a youtube clip fwd to me few days ago abt Taiwan. 3 seconds into the clip i know what the rest would be about, and also how i would feel and how fast ill forget abt it. You would understand if you are a Taiwanese.

Its a clip about oppression from China toward Taiwan and the things we should be proud of ourselves. I honour those passionate individuals who make the clips and take action to let the world know about Taiwan. However, there is nothing new, and I got impatient and almost didn't finish watching it.

What struck me was how I (and maybe most of us) have become so indifferent of the issue. What's the psychology behind this? Perhaps we have gotten used to how pathetic we are as a sovereign state. We become accustomed to the denial of existence by the international community. Occasionally we feel pissed when some other even more pathetic tiny countries also deny our existence. It's like watching a 100 to 0 hockey game. After a while you just switch channel and watch something less depressing. China know this well, and it's doing a damn good job demoralizing us. There is no vision or movement. We even question whether we should fight or not. Previous attempts to seek for recognition never got anywhere, and it seems logical to assume that future attempts won't make any difference since we are doing it the same way.
We Taiwanese consider ourselves smart, but maybe too smart we are to mobilize: classic collective action problem (let others do the protest). Most importantly, we think that it's futile.

It seems paradoxical that despite we have given up the hope of being recognized, we hold on to our Taiwanese identity tightly. For myself, I emphasis that I am from Taiwan or that I am Taiwanese. Part of it might be the negative image of Mainlanders. We distant ourselves from "them". Socially we clutter together. (interestingly enough, the barrier wears away once we personally know them, since the stereotype no longer applies.) We join facebook groups like "i am taiwanese" or "Fuck man how many times i gotta tell u I'm from Taiwan not China bitch!?". One reason might be our sense of guilt of not doing more to fight for Taiwan. We are losing out economically now. The last line of defense seem to be the quiet confidence that we are cooler than the mainlanders. We have better food, better soap opera, better singers, hotter stars, funnier TV shows, more attractive overall as a population. It's the style basically. But I can't help but wonder: what would happen if we can't maintain our (pop) cultural superiority? Will we let go our Taiwanese identity then?

entry jun.3 07

im 38000 ft up in the air. since i hav nothing better to do i figure i can start writing something about anything

im the type of person who talks to myself alot but can never remember the content. so ill just go free today and do some typing. kinda like a scene in "finding forrester", with sean connery and a young black student. in the movie sean is a great writer who teaches the young man how to write. he says, "the first thing about writing is write" or something like that. so here i am, just typing my way though, putting down wutever. i think one of the things i do is that i think too much abt something that shouldnt be thought too deeply. just to be clear im not trying to be all sophisticated and all trying to impress ppl. being confident is one thing but self-indulgent bragging is just not cool. so yea i think alot, and its often a bad thing. i often try my best to think in rational terms, like casual relationships, how something happens and why someone does something. hang over from engineering training perhaps, and often this makes my entries boring. it would be logical to know how the world works to better achieve the goals you strive for. however the premise is that you have the analytical skill to make sense of this (increasingly) complicated world, and also get the information necessary for any analysis. in my opinion, analytical skill is less of a problem comparing to the lack of information, or lack of correct information. few weeks ago i watched a documentary called "fog of war". a fantastic piece if you are into the "serious" stuff, its by robert mcnamara, and if you know who im talking abt u will probably like it. hes the secretary of states when kennedy and johnson were president. some of the insights that stuck in my head are the fact that "rationality will not save us", and "what gets us in trouble is not what we dont know but what we know for sure that just aint so". the power play btw Kennedy, Krustruf, and Castro clearly shows that. they r all ratoinal leaders yet they almost nuked the world. put it all together: our analytical methodology is questionable, and our source of information is questionable. in addition, even with all the information we need, human beings tend to filter information and receive only those that conform with our beliefs, in another word, we see what we want to see. still, rational choice seem to be more reliable than random walk. yes, it certainly works well solving problems that have clear objectives, like making money, grow crop, treating paitients. but for other that have vague objective, sometimes we dont even know if we r doing things right or wrong. when it comes to life in general, it doesnt work because there is no clear objective. its all arbitrary. ok my battery is dead. make your own conclusion because im just babbling